Hello everyone. It’s been a long time since I’ve blogged, but today is an emotional day, so I need to let it out on my online diary.
Today is Carter’s first day of daycare. Cue the waterworks. He will be 3 in April and he’s never been to a day care setting before. He’s never really been around a lot of kids his own age. He’s always been around people he knows. Well, today that all changed.
When we got up this morning, Carter was all smiles. I dressed him, brushed his teeth, and fed him breakfast. (I figured I might as well feed him myself since he would most likely be crying and not able to eat). I felt so bad knowing the impending doom that Carter was going to face. His good mood and smiling and laughing made it worse for me. If he only knew that in less than half an hour, he would be screaming and scared instead. He had no idea.
I had all his stuff packed and ready to go. A pillow with his Barney pillowcase on it, his new sleeping mat, diapers, wipes, clothes, and even a book and a movie that he really likes. He didn’t like the sleeping mat I got for him. He took his sheet off of it. When I packed it into the car he yelled at it. As we pulled into the parking area at the day care, I could feel my heart get heavy with dread. Not just for Carter, but for me. Talk about separation anxiety. Now, I’ve been away from Carter all day long while I go to work, but never like this. He’s always been with family. Not complete strangers to him. Well, so far so good. He wasn’t fussing, yet. I got him out of the car along with all his stuff and walked to the door. He still wasn’t fussing. We entered the day care and I started talking to the girls, explaining what I had for him, it’s his first day, he’s never been to daycare, yadda, yadda, yadda (choked on my words as I held back my tears). Carter, by the way, still wasn’t fussing. The minute one of the girls told him hi and attempted to converse with him, he got upset. When I tried to put him down, he wrapped his legs tightly around me, scratching my neck as he held on for dear life. I didn’t know whether to wait there with him until he got used to it all or to just escape quickly and leave him to suffer without the comfort of his mommy. Considering I felt my eyes welling up with tears and the cries rising up, I decided to run out and save myself from any embarrassment of being the overbearing, overprotective, crybaby mommy. Carter was whisked away into another room in an attempt to distract him and calm him down. Good luck with that.
As I walked out of the daycare I had an internal battle with myself. I paced up and down the sidewalk, pretty much lurking near the door and windows, hearing Carter’s desperate cries for help. (My apologies to anyone who thought it was creepy to see an unknown woman lurking outside the daycare). I told myself to just run in there and scoop him up. Then I told myself that I better not do that. He needs to be in a social environment with kids his own age. He can do that at least a few days a week. If only he could understand that. If only he knew I would be back and everything would be ok. But, I know it’s not ok in his mind. How could I really expect that when I can’t even seem to deal!? My eyes are still watery as I try to fight back tears an hour and a half after dropping him off. If I’m still crying, I know he’s still crying.
I called the day care 45 minutes after I dropped him off and surprise, surprise…. he was still crying. He wasn’t interested in his book or his movie that I brought with him. I could hear him screaming in the background. My poor baby. I decided I would call back again at 930, an hour and a half after I dropped him off.
It’s 930. Here goes…….
Well, Carter calmed down about 10 minutes after my first call at 845. However, when the lady I was talking to went to check on him for me, he started crying again because she looked at him. He was just playing quietly by himself. He stopped crying though when she left the room. She told me next time she will just call out and ask how’s he doing, instead of going in there. Since he obviously isn’t fond of her. I was told he kept trying to go into the main room, probably to look for me since that was the last place he saw me. They better keep an eye on him and be prepared…. he’s fast, smart, and tough. He’ll do a football fake out move on them and escape.
Well, for now I guess it’s going to be wait and see. I’m trying to decide if I should pick him up myself or let my mom do it. She would normally pick him up from my Aunt’s house and take him to her house to play. She wants to keep that same routine for him. We’ll see.
I just have to try to make it through this first dramatic day. We have to do it all over again on Wednesday. It’s gonna be a tough couple of weeks.