My Daily Dose of Autism

Today was definitely not one of Carter’s best days.

He threw a fit when it was time to get dressed, he threw a fit when it was time to leave, he threw a fit when I tried to put him in the shopping cart, he threw a fit when he wanted to watch his movie,  and he really flipped out when he saw me empty and pack up his pool.

Carter has some crazy obsession with movie menus and the credits.  When he watches a movie, he wants to see the menu and you better not stop the movie before, during, or after the credits. I put a movie on for him that he had watched before and when it came on, it was in the middle of the movie. Carter started fussing and acting all crazy. I tried to be patient and I just kept telling him to relax. I was frantically grabbing at the remote to put the menu of the movie on before Carter just totally went off the deep end.

Well, later in the day, Carter went off the deep end. Way off the deep end. Without floaties. He just cannon-balled right in. I could not control him. I could not reason with him. I could not calm him down. I tried to bring him into my room and as I was carrying him, he flung his head back and slammed it into my chest. It hurt. Hurt enough to cause my patience to crumble. I ended up giving him a couple of smacks on his butt. That didn’t do anything at all. He doesn’t care and all it does is increases the agitation and craziness of the situation.

You know, so many people compliment me on how I handle Carter. They tell me how great of a mom I am and how patient I am and how I put my kids first. They tell me how strong I am and how much work I put into everything. The truth is, I’m really not that great. I definitely have my moments when I just lose it. My patience wears out and I just turn into something else.  When I’m tired, when I’m stressed, when I’m out of ideas or motivation. When I’m lost and broken down, when my wheels won’t spin anymore, or when I’m wondering why. Why Carter? Why us? Why does he have to struggle so much?  Things definitely get tough. I definitely break down. I’m definitely not as strong as everyone thinks I am.

But as often as I feel defeated and as often as I may want to give up, I never will. I’ll always fight my weaknesses off. It just takes me a second to pick myself up, dust off, and keep it moving. It’s because Carter needs me. It’s because of the people who believe in me, support me, and encourage me.

I’m incredibly lucky to have family, friends, acquaintances, and even strangers that give me such great support.