The Avalanche

I think about about my grandparents everyday. They’ve been gone for many, many years, but they are always in my mind and in my heart. The simple thought of them can flood both sadness and joy into my heart. Looking at pictures of them can make time stand still as their memories take over. Speaking of them causes pain to grab at my throat and squeeze – making me choke on my words.

Time definitely doesn’t heal all wounds nor does it make the loss of the greatest people in your life any easier. When I close my eyes their faces haunt me. But I want to be haunted. I want to see them. Hear them. Hold them.

When my grandparents passed away everything was so hollow. So unreal. The family just seemed to crumble. The glue that held us all together was no longer there. We didn’t know how to function. We tried. Holidays just weren’t the same. We all put on this facade. But it was transparent.  None of us knew what to do. We didn’t just crumble. We avalanched. We crashed at lightening speed with extreme force right to the ground. And we stayed there. I miss the way things were.

Life without my grandparents leaves a big hole in my heart. I can fill my heart with happiness from new memories, but the feeling that something is missing will never go away.