Finally deciding to take a step back from all the chaos I mostly created is actually quite refreshing. I’m a lot calmer and less stressed….okay, only a little, but it’s a start. I’m less inclined to try to control every situation…most of the time.
I was trying to hold the weight of the world on my shoulders. I found the whole world to be a bit heavy on my 120 pound frame. Okay okay….135 max. Either way, it was heavy.
I haven’t given up on my research or my gluten free escapades, but I’ve scaled back a bit until I can figure out what works. I was so consumed with “fixing” Carter that I forgot that he’s okay. I forgot about the world around me. I forgot to just enjoy not only Carter, but everything and everyone else around me. I dug myself into a deep, dark hole, but luckily I had people who were there to lower down a ladder and rescue me. Once I rose from the darkness and escaped the walls that were closing in I was able to see clearly. I had an epiphany. I realized what mattered most and that I really needed to chill the hell out. I had been so busy trying to have it all that I didn’t realize I already did.
Carter has his moments and it gets frustrating, but all parents deal with that. I’m not the only parent who faces challenges with kids and life and bills and the million other things parents deal with. I just have to learn to better handle tough situations. Making a big deal out of everything and stressing out only takes energy away from me.
This past weekend instead of trying to get Carter to do things that I wanted him to do…..like a “normal” child…. I took him to do things I knew he would enjoy and be comfortable with. And I let him be himself. We went to Pj’s coffee, Petco, and Barnes & Noble. No fussing, no fighting, just some good ol’ fun. And for me? I really just enjoyed watching him have fun. That’s what it’s all about.