Life is good. We count our blessings and are thankful.
One minute things seem great. The next minute – that 60 seconds or less – creates so much devastation that your world just crumbles. You crumble. Everything around you has shattered. Your hope, optimism, clarity, and your sanity. The only thing left is a shell. Once the numbness goes away and you regain some feeling, that shell soon begins to fill with anger, bitterness, and resentment. You’re scared. Terrified. The unknown has you trapped. You’re lost and even when you try to crawl your way back, something drags you back into the darkness. You can’t escape. The domino effect of bad news exhausts you to the point of a nervous breakdown. Even if you get a glimmer of good news, it’s quickly followed by a storm of bad. You ask questions but mostly it’s just WHY? HOW? There aren’t any answers. None that satisfy you, at least.
People are sending you their thoughts, prayers, well wishes and advice. You think it’s easy for other people to tell you to stay strong and fight. They aren’t the ones in the battle
facing the challenges. They aren’t the ones constantly getting knocked down. They aren’t sitting on the edge, just waiting. Waiting for bad news. Waiting for good news. They aren’t the ones losing their strength, their optimism, and their faith. They aren’t facing the unknown. You hear them, but it’s a blur. You’re just on fumes now so you’re robotic. Cruise control. Your subconscious is doing all the work. You don’t mean to be snippy, well maybe you do. You just don’t care about anything else. You can’t sleep so your exhausted. You can’t sleep because you know that things can change in less than a minute. That’s how you got here. If you close your eyes, things can go from bad to worse. If that’s even possible to you.
A lump forms in your throat when you think about what was, what is and what could have been. Happy times fill your thoughts and you cling to them. You want them back. You’re begging for them back. You’re at the end of your rope – holding on for dear life. Your mind battles with itself to give up and to keep going. You’re confused. There are times when you think letting go would be the easiest. You’ll get immediate relief. You contemplate it. Your decision is made. You just can’t take it anymore. You’re done.
Then something happens. Something inside of you starts to stir. Your rage transforms and awakens your spirit. Your ability to fight makes its way through. Somehow your anger shifts. It’s still anger but you use it to your advantage. You use it to kick the ass of
whatever knocked you so far down in the first place. You’re angry. Be angry. You want to break stuff. Break it. You want to scream and yell. Do it. Do what you need to do. Because soon the bell will ring and the rounds will begin. And there will be many.
It’s time. It’s time for you to get up, dust yourself off and get ready. You know in your mind that the fight is gonna be a long one. You’re gonna get knocked down again, but you have support in your corner. You’re ready now. And even if you get dragged back to the darkness you know that you’ll make it back. That rope that you’re hanging onto has people on the other end to make sure you get back. Those same people who don’t know exactly what you’re going through are going to be your biggest support system. Because even though they aren’t in your place, they all love you so much and they are going to fight with you. Your heart is filled with too much love to stop now. It lifts you up. When you get tired and you wanna give up, just give yourself that time. You need it. But you’re a fighter. So FIGHT. Put your freaking fists out and get ready. You know what you have to do. Know this – There will be more breakdowns. More fits. More sadness and bitterness and resentment. There will be you not wanting to fight. Curling in a ball in the shower while the water pours over you. The crying will take over and drain you until you have nothing left. And then when you can’t feel anymore sadness and you’re tired of the pain, you’ll slowly gather yourself up, take a deep breath, close your eyes, and let the fight build back up inside you. Your energy and strength will build with each breath. Your eyes will open and again you’re ready.
People might say they don’t know how you do it. What choice do you have? To not do it? You don’t even think about how you do it. You just do it. You’re the voice. The advocate. The fighter. Not doing it isn’t an option.
You fight. You fight until you’re bruised and bloody. Be brave. Have courage. Gather your strength. Attack everything head on and win. We are all with you.
**This post is dedicated to my family: Joe, Chelsi, Jourdan, Alli, and Joseph**
Jourdan: Be brave little soldier. You have an army all around you.
To find out more about Jourdan’s rare case and to help in any way you can please visit The Loyola’s Go Fund Me Page
They are such a great family and are always doing what they can to help others. Anything you can donate helps to ease the stress of the financial pressures while Jourdan is fighting in the hospital.